Start with No
Tags: #books #negotiation #non-fiction
đ The Book in 3 Sentences
This book is about negotiations but slowly becomes a self-help book. It argues against compromise and says that no is an important word in negotiations. Maybe is the worst word in negotiations.
đ¨ Impressions
It was an okay book, not that many interesting thoughts that really stuck with me. I quite liked the preparation and understaing the motivations of the "opponent" in negotiations, you need to "solve" their problems, not your own.
How I Discovered Itâ
Hacker news comment.
Who Should Read It?â
People who want to expand their knowledge of negotiations.
âď¸ How the Book Changed Me
Not that much, more thoughtful of preparations and being mindful of what is being said in a negotiation. Nothing is certain in negotiations.
âď¸ My Top Quotes
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The best word in the English language must be âyes.â You please the other person. You satisfy the request.
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Our âone-upping,â predatory nature is a harsh truth and not always a welcome one. But it is a vitally necessary point for you to understand.
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Test Drive Take ten minutes at the end of the day and assess your actions and your conversations, looking for signs of neediness. No one knows better than you when itâs sneaking into the picture.
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Cold-calling is the worst way to do business. We all know that. But I say itâs also the most important way to be able to do business. Why? In the very worst business environment, if you can successfully cold-call, you can always get a job.
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âNeedâ is death; âwantâ is life. Believe me, this different attitude will make all the difference in your negotiating life.
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Three-Minute Checklist  ⢠Stop, look, listen. What are your temptations to feel needy in this situation? Simply identifying them helps you control them. ⢠Likewise, how are you tempted to be okay at the expense of the other side? Simple identification helps you check that okayness. ⢠What are their temptations to neediness? To be okay? Encourage them in these regards. Their neediness is to your advantage.
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In fact, tough corporate negotiators work under the presumption that contracts are easily broken, that this is just part of business.
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠Are you playing a ânumbersâ game, even a subtle one? Itâs just a cop-out. Focus instead on your activity and behavior. ⢠The temptation to âcloseâ is powerful and in some businesses, like real estate, almost ingrained. You must keep a sharp eye. Are you subtly trying to âcloseâ this agreement? ⢠Hold everything. Is this phone call or this meeting payside or nonpayside? Are you kidding yourself about its value? ⢠Did you start setting and evaluating activity and behavior goals daily?
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Perot enjoyed (and may still, I donât know) telling business audiences the story of an American who wants to buy a camel and pulls up at a tent with half a dozen of the beasts staked out front. When the owner emerges, the American asks the owner about one particular animal. The Bedouin replies, âOh, thatâs my sonâs camel, his pet. I couldnât sell that one.â The American looks nonplussed, climbs back into his Range Rover, and starts to drive off. The Bedouin runs after him, shouting, âI thought you wanted to buy my camel!â
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Series of decisions. Whenânot if, but whenâyou make a bad decision, you simply follow it with a better
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠If youâre needy, itâs hard to say no and itâs hard to hear no. Check for neediness first. ⢠If you have saddled yourself with performance goals over which you have no control, itâs hard to say no and itâs hard to hear no. ⢠Before anything happens, before the meeting starts, are you firmly free in your gut and in your mind to say no and hear no? If not, cancel the meeting. Seriously.
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What was Edisonâs company? General Electric. What was its slogan? âWe bring good things to life.â
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠Is your mission and purpose in place for this negotiation, this meeting, this conversation? If not, stop. Go no further. Prepare one. ⢠If the mission-and-purpose statement is in hand, read it. Absorb it. If necessary, have it handy for quick consultation. ⢠Are you emotionally and mentally prepared to let the mission and purpose guide your every move? If not, stop. If necessary, cancel the meeting or donât make the phone call.
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The people on the other side are negotiating for their benefit, not for yours. This is self-evident but often overlooked, and itâs the reason your mission and purpose must be rooted in the world of the other side and bring benefits that solve their problems.
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In negotiations, you must have a vision of a current or future problem to be solved. Itâs just that simple. This is why youâre negotiating.
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠Are you certain you clearly see the problems on the other side? Are you clear in your mind how to build the other sideâs vision? ⢠Are you clear that they have to see before they can understand? ⢠Are you ready to put aside the facts and the figures, because you cannot tell anyone anything? ⢠Are you ready to ask questions in order to build vision, rather than provide answers?
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Are you prepared with good interrogative-led questions? They are not a magic bullet, but they are the safest way to build vision on the other side, and they are less likely to destroy vision. ⢠Being a defensive negotiator does you no good at all. Therefore always nurture. Donât attack, donât challenge, donât browbeatânot with your words, not with your body language.
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â3+â (or âthree-plusâ), another important tool of the trade, is the ability to remain with a question until it is answered at least three times, or to repeat a statement at least three times.
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠Before the phone call, the e-mail, the meeting, take however long is required to assess your attitude and frame of mind. ⢠Those positive expectations, blatant or subtle: Are you aware of them? Have you put them aside? ⢠Those negative expectations: Are you aware of them? Have you put them aside? ⢠Any assumptions of any kind whatsoever? ⢠Now youâre ready to talk less, ask questions, listen well, and find out whatâs going on.
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If you canât identify and then go around or over the blockers, youâre in for a long, hard time, by definition, because the blockers donât make the real decisions.
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠The shell game is not glamorous, but remember: No decision-maker, no decision. ⢠When dealing with messengers and blockers, always nurture. Be creative. Try again.
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Each and every communication in a negotiation requires an agendaâand not just meetings where youâre sitting across the table from the other side. Agendas are required even for telephone calls and e-mails.
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A valid agenda has the following five basic categories.  ⢠Problems ⢠Our baggage ⢠Their baggage ⢠What we want ⢠What happens next
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Three-Minute Checklist ⢠Do you have an agenda for this phone call or this meeting? ⢠Has this agenda been negotiated with the other side? It must be. ⢠Does this agenda include, at a minimum, âwhat you wantâ and âwhat happens nextâ? It must. ⢠Does it include problems and baggage? If they exist, it must.
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The basic Checklist for any negotiation includes:  ⢠Your mission and purpose for the negotiation ⢠Your agenda items for the specific meeting ⢠Your behavior goals ⢠Your activity goals ⢠Any critical research that needs to be done The Log prepared after any negotiation includes:  ⢠Statement of the problem from the other sideâs point of view ⢠Estimate of the other sideâs budget (time, energy, money, and emotion) ⢠Identification of the decision-makers and assessment of when their decision will be reached ⢠Negotiation summary
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With the Checklist before the meeting, you set up the structure with which to build vision on the other side. With the Log after the meeting, you gather together the vision that exists at the end of the meeting, lay everything out, look at it, and find ways to build more vision and move ahead.